I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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