U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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