when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
