if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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