i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
