Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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