I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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