Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
