every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
