Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
