Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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