Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
