we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
