Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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