Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
