Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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