It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
