How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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