just tell him i said nine months
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
