i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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