I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
