Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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