Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
