and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
