Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
