Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
