im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
