my phone needs a breathalizer
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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