Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
worst night to have a conscience
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
