Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
