I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
