Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am naked and annoyed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
