I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
