dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
