I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
