I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
