I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
