JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
NoShamevember. You game?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
