bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
