I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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