Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
