even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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