He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
