I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
