I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it's like heaven, but drunker
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
