why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
