Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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