you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just puked most of my soul out..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
