so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
