billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
