When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
