if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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