Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
