i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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