omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
