Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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