Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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