The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
