Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
