apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
